diff --git a/.aliases b/.aliases
index 7392a0dc851..54841551db0 100644
--- a/.aliases
+++ b/.aliases
@@ -14,8 +14,6 @@ alias dl="cd ~/Downloads"
 alias dt="cd ~/Desktop"
 alias p="cd ~/projects"
 alias g="git"
-alias h="history"
-alias j="jobs"
 
 # Detect which `ls` flavor is in use
 if ls --color > /dev/null 2>&1; then # GNU `ls`
@@ -50,9 +48,6 @@ alias sudo='sudo '
 # Get week number
 alias week='date +%V'
 
-# Stopwatch
-alias timer='echo "Timer started. Stop with Ctrl-D." && date && time cat && date'
-
 # Get macOS Software Updates, and update installed Ruby gems, Homebrew, npm, and their installed packages
 alias update='sudo softwareupdate -i -a; brew update; brew upgrade; brew cleanup; npm install npm -g; npm update -g; sudo gem update --system; sudo gem update; sudo gem cleanup'
 
@@ -74,10 +69,6 @@ alias flush="dscacheutil -flushcache && killall -HUP mDNSResponder"
 # Clean up LaunchServices to remove duplicates in the “Open With” menu
 alias lscleanup="/System/Library/Frameworks/CoreServices.framework/Frameworks/LaunchServices.framework/Support/lsregister -kill -r -domain local -domain system -domain user && killall Finder"
 
-# View HTTP traffic
-alias sniff="sudo ngrep -d 'en1' -t '^(GET|POST) ' 'tcp and port 80'"
-alias httpdump="sudo tcpdump -i en1 -n -s 0 -w - | grep -a -o -E \"Host\: .*|GET \/.*\""
-
 # Canonical hex dump; some systems have this symlinked
 command -v hd > /dev/null || alias hd="hexdump -C"
 
@@ -129,10 +120,6 @@ alias plistbuddy="/usr/libexec/PlistBuddy"
 # Airport CLI alias
 alias airport='/System/Library/PrivateFrameworks/Apple80211.framework/Versions/Current/Resources/airport'
 
-# Ring the terminal bell, and put a badge on Terminal.app’s Dock icon
-# (useful when executing time-consuming commands)
-alias badge="tput bel"
-
 # Intuitive map function
 # For example, to list all directories that contain a certain file:
 # find . -name .gitattributes | map dirname
@@ -140,7 +127,7 @@ alias map="xargs -n1"
 
 # One of @janmoesen’s ProTip™s
 for method in GET HEAD POST PUT DELETE TRACE OPTIONS; do
-	alias "$method"="lwp-request -m '$method'"
+	alias "${method}"="lwp-request -m '${method}'"
 done
 
 # Make Grunt print stack traces by default
@@ -158,7 +145,7 @@ alias chromekill="ps ux | grep '[C]hrome Helper --type=renderer' | grep -v exten
 alias afk="/System/Library/CoreServices/Menu\ Extras/User.menu/Contents/Resources/CGSession -suspend"
 
 # Reload the shell (i.e. invoke as a login shell)
-alias reload="exec $SHELL -l"
+alias reload="exec ${SHELL} -l"
 
 # Print each PATH entry on a separate line
 alias path='echo -e ${PATH//:/\\n}'
diff --git a/.functions b/.functions
index 577d1639181..bfbd71f37ef 100644
--- a/.functions
+++ b/.functions
@@ -75,15 +75,6 @@ function dataurl() {
 	echo "data:${mimeType};base64,$(openssl base64 -in "$1" | tr -d '\n')";
 }
 
-# Create a git.io short URL
-function gitio() {
-	if [ -z "${1}" -o -z "${2}" ]; then
-		echo "Usage: \`gitio slug url\`";
-		return 1;
-	fi;
-	curl -i https://git.io/ -F "url=${2}" -F "code=${1}";
-}
-
 # Start an HTTP server from a directory, optionally specifying the port
 function server() {
 	local port="${1:-8000}";
@@ -135,24 +126,6 @@ function escape() {
 	fi;
 }
 
-# Decode \x{ABCD}-style Unicode escape sequences
-function unidecode() {
-	perl -e "binmode(STDOUT, ':utf8'); print \"$@\"";
-	# print a newline unless we’re piping the output to another program
-	if [ -t 1 ]; then
-		echo ""; # newline
-	fi;
-}
-
-# Get a character’s Unicode code point
-function codepoint() {
-	perl -e "use utf8; print sprintf('U+%04X', ord(\"$@\"))";
-	# print a newline unless we’re piping the output to another program
-	if [ -t 1 ]; then
-		echo ""; # newline
-	fi;
-}
-
 # Show all the names (CNs and SANs) listed in the SSL certificate
 # for a given domain
 function getcertnames() {